Becoming

10 Promises to My 30 Year-old Self

November 5, 2019October 23, 2019

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Ok, so I have less than 5 months until I turn 30. I know, I know. My older friends have told me, “Girl, you are still young” while my niece tells me I’m “SUPER” old. For some, 30 is an embarking on a new adventure, for some it’s scary as hell and for others like me, it’s a “inevitable change”. For most of us, by the time we reached 30, we should have kids, a family, a career or job we love and a real hold on life. I literally laughed out loud writing that. How crazy were we to think we knew exactly how our lives would turn out?! Especially at what, 15 years old?! I remember older cousins saying, “Yeah you just wait”. I’m secretly squirming thinking about it.

Society has told us, as women, turning 30 is a milestone, which is definitely true, but not in the way we are told. For me, this has been unusually difficult as I have watched many of my friends welcome new babies, buy homes, and say “I do” to amazing men. At times, I can’t help but feel like “Hopefully that will be me soon”. I know people always tell you, take your time, or your time will come. I get all that, but I wouldn’t be honest if i didn’t say, no single woman wants to hear that all the time. Yes, that saying may be true, but in this moment right now, time is not something I feel like I have. Its more, what the hell have I been doing this whole time?! That comfort that should come from you have time, feels more like a bandaid on a stab wound. Yet, I am slowly coming to terms with the place I am in life and accepting that I didn’t drop the ball, I’m just on a different path.

What I have settled with is – I am not where I thought I would be, but I’m exactly where I should be. I’m accomplished, experienced, and in a completely better place than I was before, even with all the pitfalls. To embrace that has been a struggle, but it has slowly allowed my outlook on turning 30 to be more of an exciting embark than a dreadful one.

So in preparing I am making promises to myself – holding myself accountable, ensuring my experiences are treated as lessons and not setbacks. To ensure I love myself, make time for myself.

What I’m promising myself for my thirties:

Allow yourself to be you. Comparing yourself to others is just evil. What I learned in my 20’s, you will never be where someone else is. Your journey is unique to you, so don’t shortchange yourself by comparing it to someone else. You only hold yourself back from everything God has to offer you.

Take failures and let downs as an experience, and NOT a compete and direct shot at you. When you allow a failure or uncomfortable experience to have a negative effect on your life, you’ve lost. Understanding that these experience are exactly that, an experience. Used to shift your thinking and prepare for the future. Change your approach, not who you are.

Be intentional about love – with someone else and yourself. Being intentional about love is to be purposeful in how you approach it. When finding love, being intentional about what you want out of a relationships (romantic) is healthy and important to decipher between those who are intentional with you and those who are purposeless with you. When it comes to self love- be intentional about praising yourself. Uplifting you. Taking care of you.

Love yourself first. No one will love you like you, so make sure you love you good!

Never compromise who you are for someone else. When you are giving person people will take advantage of that. Know how to set boundaries without becoming someone you are not. Not everyone is going to like or respect that, they ain’t for you. Move on. Don’t settle for someone who wants you to change who you are. Staying true to yourself will never fail you. Unless you’re an asshole, but even then – it’s honest!

Support yourself like you support everyone else. I go hard for my friends and their dreams, but sometimes I slack on supporting my own dreams. I have to put the same effort I put into my friends and my job into my own dreams and aspirations. Be your #1 fan, not just your worst critic.

Speak up! Speaking up about my feelings, what angers me, things that I need are hard and have always been hard. When you neglect these conversations you neglect yourself. You grown now girl, tell people how they make you feel. If they are for you, they won’t be intimidated or leave.

Don’t date intimidated men. This honey, is self explanatory. You can’t fix the man or raise the man (K. Michelle warned us), so go find a grown ass secure man.

It’s ok to say no and it’s ok that you’re missing out. Carving out time for yourself is important. In you’re 20’s you always want to be there or turn up. Moving forward, I’m missing some events to do whatever it is I want to do, and that is perfectly fine! If it’s making time for you, it’s not missing out.

Speak life into yourself, not self doubt. It’s so easy to highlight and speak to the things you don’t like about yourself, your failures and you lowest moments. Highlight the small wins, tell yourself you will get through it. Give yourself some credit, you honey, have come a long way! Speak the same life into yourself that you speak for others.

Health is a lifestyle not a diet. A ugly secret about my journey with weight loss, I popped laxatives like candy. Not healthy. I was always trying a new diet or new cleanse, or new tea drink. Focusing on being a better, healthier version of yourself is the most important part. Your body is changing and so should your outlook on health. It’s not the size 6 you wanted to get back into. It’s being mindful about your lifestyle choices.

Make time for God, everyday. You won’t get far if you don’t. I struggle with this sometimes because life gets so busy or you get lost in something you forget to make time for God. To pray, to praise, to shout. That’s what got you here, don’t forget it.

Stop listening to what other people tell you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, with or without kids, a husband, a career, whatever. Society will tell you that you aren’t doing something right if you don’t have kids, or a husband, or a certain lifestyle. They tell you that because they aren’t where they want to be. Fuck them. Live YOUR life, because no one else can!