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Sorry, This is my cup.

Ivanya Vanzant said it best. What is in my cup is for me, what over flows is for you. What does that really mean? We always talk about pouring into yourself and pouring into others. Self Love for me is equivalent to “pouring into yourself”. Focusing on giving to yourself what you give to others. For a while, I barely poured into myself. I thought pouring into yourself or “self-care” was getting my hair done or buying some new shoes, or ordering food. Now yes this is a form of self care, but what I didn’t realize is I did so much more for others than I did myself.

In relationships I would cook for my guy, making steak, short ribs, mac and cheese- the WORKS. I never cooked that much for myself! I would set the mood for a date, set up couple massages- all that. I barely took baths or shaved my legs if I didn’t have a date coming over. I would travel miles for friends events, I sometimes had to push myself to get out and mingle. Basically I went all out for others, I gave so much to others and had little left for myself.

What I finally realized after hearing this out loud was, I was an overachiever – giver. What is that – I rose to the challenge to give to others – at the expense of myself. I did the MOST. I was a supporter and a pourer- for others. But for myself, I assumed what I was left with was enough. I figured a quick Olive Garden pick up and a movie was enough. I felt like I could survive on the little I have left in the tank. Why was that enough for me but a home cooked meal was what someone else deserved? What the hell was wrong with that picture?! EVERYTHING!

I gave so much of what was in my cup to others, I literally had drops left for myself. What I asked for in others, what my love language indicated I needed from others I had never given to myself. Why didn’t I think I deserved everything that was in MY cup?

The bad part about this is I secretly felt bad for not giving myself more. I would resent others when I didn’t get as much as I gave. I also resented myself for allowing it. For not saying no, and not setting this boundaries. Which of curse adds more stress and disappointments. But one thing I am working on is learning how to make sure I disappoint others before myself. And this is a whole separate story.

It took me a while and some hard lessons and disappointments to realize, whatever I pour into my cup is for me FIRST. If I have something that overflows, I can give to others. But if I’m low, the priority is to refill what I need in my cup before I fill others. I’m cooking myself steak for dinner, shaving my legs because I want to feel good and setting up a massage – for myself- ALONE!

This was hard because I always seen

As I continue to find new ways to love myself I am constantly checking in with myself on my needs. What part of my cup needs a refill? What does my body, mind and spirit need to revive? How do I show love to myself and then hw can I ask for it from others?

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